


Scars

by TRfanfic



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fear, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 13:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15641772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TRfanfic/pseuds/TRfanfic
Summary: Set roughly two months after Delia moves in to Nonnatus house.Something has changed between them and Patsy needs to know why.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nicole Dittrich](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Nicole+Dittrich).



Scars  
By TrFanfic

“There you are!” 

Patsy turned at the sound of the voice she knew so well. “Yes, here I am.”

Delia paused, took in her posture, the way she studied her hands in her lap, ran the pad of her thumb over the edge of her fingernails. Slowly she made her way to the bench on the edge of the Nonnatus garden, the bench that only the two of them seemed to use, and sat down next to Patsy.

“What’s wrong?”

Patsy raised her eyes, prepared to deliver the automatic “nothing”, but it died on her tongue as Delia looked right through her. Right through to the vulnerable, and damaged and hurt parts. 

She took a deep breath. “I’m just taking in the night air,” she said, raising her head to study the stars. “And trying not to fret.”

Delia reached out, stilling the movement of Patsy’s thumb over her fingernails. “Fret over what?”

When Patsy’s eyes met hers, Delia sat back a fraction. “I’ve done something, haven’t I?” She said softly. Her grip on Patsy’s hand tightened. “Pats, talk to me, I would never intentionally hurt you.”

Patsy’s mouth curved in what she hoped would be an expression of comfort. “I know that Deels,” she replied, squeezing back. “Truly I do.”

“But?”

“Gosh this is hard,” she whispered. 

Delia waited, her heart in her throat.

“Deels, when your memories of me…of us, came back, did you remember everything?”

Delia frowned. “I think so. I certainly remembered the…nature of our relationship.”

“And our previous level of intimacy?”

Despite the gravity of the conversation, Delia smiled, color rising in her cheeks. “That was the first thing to come back,” she whispered, leaning in so only Patsy could hear her. “In dreams. The first time I had a full memory of you, I woke up having a full orgasm to go with it.”

Patsy smiled, “you never told me that.”

“You’d think it would be frightening, but it just…felt like home.”

“And now?”

Delia’s brow creased. “What do you mean?”

“Does it still feel like home?”

“Patsy, touching you has always felt like home to me. Even from the very start.” She put a hand on Patsy’s arm, turned her to meet her eyes. “What is this all about?”

Patsy tucked in her lips. “And when your memories came back, “ she continued. “Did you remember…everything about my body?”

“I believe so, but how can one know what they don’t remember?”

“We’ve been together since you got back, was there anything that shocked or surprised you about my body?”

Delia’s confusion deepened. Odd question. “No.”

Patsy nodded, looked down to study her hands again. “I just thought…that might be the reason…”

Delia’s face went blank for a moment. “I DID do something.” Reaching out she lifted Patsy’s chin she said, “The reason for what Pats? I’m lost here.”

“You won’t hold me anymore.”

Delia’s eyebrows rose to her hairline. “Are you mad? I put my arms around you every chance I get.”

“I know that, but…you used to wrap around me…from behind. I told you once that it always made me feel safe. And…in the midst of things, you used to touch my back, kiss my  
skin, but now…” She tried to take a calming breath. “I know my scars look ghastly, but you never seemed to mind, until now.”

Delia’s jaw clenched and then relaxed. Patsy studied her, knowing now she wasn't imagining things. Slowly Delia raised Patsy’s hand, laying a soft kiss on her skin. “Pats, every part of you is beautiful to me. I tell you that with every ounce of sincerity I possess.” She paused, letting her statement sink in. “And yes, when I held you, you said it made you feel safe. You told me that I’m the only person who has ever made you feel safe.”

“And I meant it Deels! I still mean it!”

“But I don’t make you feel safe anymore.”

“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”

“Pats, since I moved in here your nightmares have increased, haven’t they?”

Patsy’s gaze dropped, as she simply nodded. 

“You know I used to trace my fingertips over your scars as you slept. They’re so sensitive and it used to make you sigh and move closer to me, but now you don’t. Now every time  
I touch them while you’re sleeping, every time I even hold you against me, you have a nightmare.” Tears welled up. “I don’t make you feel safe anymore. I’ve,” She swallowed hard. “…lost my touch with you.”

“No you haven’t, you still make me feel safe! I feel better just sitting next to you.”

“And yet you’re still having nightmares. I don’t know if I feel different to you than I used to. Or if my touch is different…I don’t know, but I can’t sooth you like I used to.”

“Maybe it doesn’t have to do with you. Maybe I’m just damaged.”

“Pats, when is the last time you had a nightmare while you were sleeping with me?”

Patsy thought back. “It’s been a few weeks.”

Delia nodded. “When I stopped touching your back.”

“So it’s not because you’re put off by my scars?”

Delia reached out, stroked her jaw. “No.”

“Okay,” Patsy said on a sigh. “Then what do we do, because I miss sleeping with you against me.”

Delia squinted, formulating a plan. “Come on Sweetheart,” she said, standing and pulling Patsy with her. In a matter of minutes they’d managed to slink undetected into Delia’s room and lock the door. Delia checked the time, it was late enough. Smiling, she changed into her pyjamas, and threw a pair to Patsy. “Let’s try something.”

“Okay, like I said, I’ll try anything once,” she said with a wink.

Delia giggled and lay down on her bed. “Now come here.”

“Then skootch over,” Patsy replied, standing by her side of the bed. 

Delia shook her head, and patted the bed behind her. “No, you come over here. We’re going to change sides.”

“But…”

Delia rolled her eyes. “Pats, I know, it feels odd to me too, but let’s try this. We know it doesn’t work with me behind you. Why don’t you wrap around me, and we’ll see if that does the trick.”

Patsy smiled, and moved in behind her, pulling her in against her body. They both let out a low moan as they settled in. 

“This is nice,” Delia said. 

“It really is.” After a moment Patsy began to stroke Delia’s hair thoughtfully. “Deels, why do you think the nightmares came back?”

“I don’t know Pats, maybe they just always come back with trauma. I wasn’t the only one who went through my accident. You did too.”  
Patsy nodded. “I hope this works.”

“Me too! Do you feel safe Patsy?”

“Yes.”

“So do I,” she said softly. 

Patsy smiled and kissed the soft skin of Delia’s neck, and hoped there would come a time when it didn’t matter what side of the bed they were on, it would only matter that they were together. That time came sooner than either of them expected.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> This scene wouldn't let me go, so I had to write it. When I get the time I'll finish the lighthearted and whipped cream laden last chapter of "Don't Break the Thread", but I hope you enjoy this one in the meantime.
> 
> Also, I tend to notice trivial things. At the beginning of these two together on screen, Delia was always sleeping behind Patsy, in Series 5 that changed and Patsy now slept behind Delia. This is a take on why.


End file.
